Chapter 58
When she was scared she was beautiful,
And so now I found someone interesting. I started to want to be the reason fear filled her eyes and her heart raced. I wanted to feel her trembling under my gaze but I also wanted to control that fear. It was no good if she was scared all the time. The novelty would wear thin. I wanted to be able to switch it on and switch it off at my leisure.
I wanted to be in control.
That summer I thought about Ellie a lot. I fantasized about how I would make her submit to me. I dreamed of how I would slowly train her to be my perfect little doll. She’d be obedient and eager to please but best of all, she would fear me on command and let me drink in her terror.
I needed a plan. A way of having Ellie all to myself. I thought alienating her from her friends would be enough. I already knew about her sad and pathetic family situation. Even her brother wasn’t around. She didn’t have many friends either and they were all as spineless as each other, Self–preservation will make you do terrible things like cut ties with a perfectly good friend. My plan nearly worked as well. By the end of Junior year my little bird had no one to protect her.
Then, she made a mistake.
She fought back and maybe I did get angry with her for that.
It was a foolish error on my part. I couldn’t really blame her for acting as she did because she didn’t yet know her place. Like a naughty puppy she needed to be taught a lesson, trained to be obedient but I confess my temper got the better of me when I pushed her head under water in the school swimming pool. I did think about just holding her there but this would have ruined everything. I wouldn’t have my little doll if she was dead.
Letting her go that day was almost impossible but she wasn’t ready and neither was I. I had so many things to prepare and sort out. I also needed to keep an eye on Ellie. We both needed to learn our roles in this relationship.
My first snag came that summer.
My parents have an obsession with good grades. It didn’t matter that their offspring were naturally intelligent and obtained A grades with ease. We had to do better; we had to excel in AP classes, we had to excel at sport, we even had to excel in not one but three different languages. So in order to not only achieve this and maintain it, there were an army of tutors in and out of the home, ready to ensure we knew everything in order to obtain those grades thus giving our parents something else to brag about at their dinner parties and charity galas,
This year they hired a history teacher who had transferred from some elite school in New York and thought himself to be better than everyone. He quickly grated on my nerves. He seemed to quickly forget his place in the hierarchy and so one day I decided to remind him.
The fucking pussy ran with his tail between his legs to the police and so came the assault charges. The school wouldn’t let me back while that was hanging over me thus dashing my plans to pick up with Ellie where we had left off
I hadn’t seen her all summer. It was a purposeful move on my part. I wanted to let her have a false sense of security when I saw her next just so I could see the shock, confusion and then terror in those dark chocolate brown eyes. I wanted to see how she might grow over the summer (and I assure you, I wasn’t disappointed). That wasn’t to say I had forgotten about her. She was very much so in my mind as I waited patiently to see her again, meticulously planning our reunion and everything that would come after that.
I’ll be Seeing You
Chapter 59
