Chapter 19
Nikolai stood in that paint–splattered studio for a full hour, staring at the spot where she’d been standing.
His mind was at war with itself. Two voices screaming at each other, driving him fucking insane.
Take her. Drag her home. Lock her up if you have to. She belongs to you.
No. She said she doesn’t love you. She looked at you like you were poison.
The two conflicting thoughts battled in his head until his ears were ringing.
n the past, he wouldn’t have hesitated. He’d have taken her back by any means necessary. As long as she was by his side, that would be enough.
But now, something had changed. He found himself wanting something different–he wanted her to come back because she loved him, like before. He wanted her to be happy.
For the first time in his life, Nikolai Virellic didn’t know what the hell to do.
He stumbled out and found the nearest bar, ordering bottle after bottle of hard liquor.
Everything you’ve got,” he told the bartender, gesturing at the top shelf. “All of it.”
The alcohol burned going down, but it couldn’t wash away the darkness in his heart. His chest felt like someone was carving out his heart with a dull nife, slow and methodical.
The more he drank, the worse the pain got. He slumped against the leather couch, and suddenly he was laughing–hysterical, broken laughter that urned into sobs before he could stop it.
How did I fuck this up so badly?
hey’d loved each other so much. She hadn’t wanted to be even a step away from him. Why had he thrown it all away?
The memories hit him like physical blows.
‘en years ago, he’d been cornered and beaten by his cousin’s men on the street. Veloura had saved him by pretending to call the police.
ler clothes were torn and ragged, but somehow still clean. Her eyes were bright and clear. One look, and he was captivated.
You’re awfully clean for a homeless person,” he’d teased, spitting blood. “That working out for you?”
he’d gotten right up in his face, fearless. “Better than getting your ass kicked by a bunch of wannabe gangsters. Maybe worry about yourself.”
od, she’d been magnificent. All fire and attitude and fuck you energy.
le saw her again two weeks later, coming out of a supermarket with her brother, working the free sample stations like a pro. Smart, resourceful, roud.
le’d fallen in love with that girl. The one who looked him dead in the eye and told him exactly what she thought.
o what had he done? He’d taken her home and systematically destroyed everything that made her special.
hey grew up together. She was brilliant, learning everything quickly. To be a worthy wife, she dimmed her own light, smoothed her sharp edges, levoted herself completely to supporting him.
le quieter. Smile more. Don’t contradict me in public. Learn these skills. Be the perfect wife.
he’d done it all. For him. Because she loved him.
And he’d gotten bored. He wanted novelty. He was drawn to Anneliese, who reminded him of Veloura’s younger self….
17:16
Go Play Your Duet with Your Mistress: My Life’s Melody is Going Solo on My Own
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Chapter 19
Jesus Christ, what kind of monster does that?
By the time he realized his mistake, it was too late.
She said she didn’t love him anymore. Even if she came back to him, she’d never love him again.
“This is what I put her through,” he whispered to the empty room. “This exact feeling. For months.”
So this was what it felt like to be hurt by someone you loved. How much pain must Veloura have endured during that time?
Nikolai closed his eyes and cried for the first time in his adult life, chugging another bottle as he whispered:
“Veloura, baby, please. Don’t give up on me.”
But she already had, hadn’t she? She’d looked at him with those dead eyes and told him the truth: the woman who’d loved him was gone. He’d killed her.
Time became meaningless. Bottle after bottle, trying to drown the voice in his head that kept saying you did this, you destroyed everything, you’re getting exactly what you deserve.
His vision started spinning, the burning in his chest intensified. Something warm was trickling down his chin.
Blood. He was bleeding.
Good, he thought distantly. Maybe I’ll just bleed out right here. Save everyone the trouble.
Intense dizziness overwhelmed him as darkness closed in.
Nikolai woke up three days later in a hospital bed, tubes coming out of every part of his body. He’d suffered severe stomach perforation–his entire abdominal cavity had been filled with alcohol and blood. He’d nearly died.
“Sir?” His assistant’s voice, flown in from New York. “Jesus, we thought you were dead.”
When the man finally arrived and saw what Nikolai had become, he barely recognized him.
Even surviving felt like failure now.
Because what was the point of being alive if Veloura would never love him again?
17:16
