Mia
We said our goodbyes. I kissed Isla’s cheek, then Rosa’s hair, then Isla’s cheek again because some goodbyes need echoes. Mason folded me into one of his quiet–bear hugs that pretends to be quick and never is. Ariana squeezed my fingers once and handed me a Tupperware I didn’t earn, like she could sense which tiny kindness I could carry without dropping everything else. By the time we reached the car, the sky had turned that lovely, useless pink. Kaiden took the driver’s seat because he always does when he needs to feel the road under his hands. Hunter slid in beside me in the back like a living blanket and buckled us both in, his knee pressed to mine. We were quiet, but it wasn’t empty. The city moved past in blocks of light and shadow. The radio low enough that it was a hum, not a song. Kalden’s eyes met mine in the rearview, once, twice, again, asking without asking. I answered the only way I could: I didn’t look away. Hunter didn’t ask questions. He tucked my fingers into his and worked his thumb over the ridge where I still wear my rings, the one that says we’re in this together. He always seems to find the places I forgot I was clenching. He opened them a little. It helped. I hated that it helped and loved it at the same time.
The trial clinics flashed across my mind like bad commercials, white walls, lemon antiseptic, clipboards, smiles that didn’t reach eyes. I had a stack of pamphlets in the bottom drawer I didn’t open unless I wanted to punish myself. We burned money there. We burned hope in smaller portions, careful not to set off the smoke alarm. We turned up our street, the one with the stupid jacaranda that stains the footpath purple every spring and our house came into view, big and square and full of rooms. The first time we walked through it, Kaiden spread his arms in the empty hallway and declared it a place that could hold twenty children. “Start with one,” Hunter said, laughing, his hand on my hip. We all laughed then. None of us were laughing now. Inside, everything smelled like us. The faint spice of Kaiden’s cologne clinging to the entry table. The citrus cleaner we pretend is “lemon oil” because Hunter likes feeling fancy. The wool throw Ariana bullied me into buying draped over the sofa like a cat. Kaiden took the bags to the kitchen, the way he takes problems to tables, lays them out, gives them names. Hunter helped me out of my shoes because he can’t stand watching people fight with laces when they’re tired.
“I’m going to freshen up,” I said, which is code for I need a minute to decide if I’m going to let today eat me or not.
Hunter kissed my forehead. Kaiden’s hand ghosted over the small of my back, a promise without pressure. “We’re here,” he
said. He didn’t add if you want us. He didn’t have to.
Upstairs, the bathroom light was too honest. Mascara had smudged under one eye, the kind of halo that makes you look more fragile than you feel. I washed it away. I washed away the honey print of Rosa’s mouth on my shoulder and hated
that the sink swallowed the proof so easily.
On the way back to the bedroom, I paused by the room we pretend is a guest room. The door was open an inch. It always is. The walls are still white. The boxes in the corner aren’t labeled “nursery.” We never wrote it down anywhere a stranger could read. But there’s a rug rolled halfway out across the floor and a set of curtains in a bag, still stapled shut. Small, steady rebellions. I touched the doorframe with two fingers. Superstition. Prayer. Habit. I don’t know anymore. I found myself inside the room, staring at the plush grey rocking chair. The chair I had bought with hopes of holding life, memories, love… and I choked back a sob at the reality of the situation.
“Baby?” Kaiden whispered before his hands found my hips, his warm chest at my back and for the first time in weeks I let him hold me. I let him see the heartache, to feel it with me. Because I wasn’t sure I could hold it all alone for much
longer.
“I want a child…” I said quietly as a tear slid down my cheek.
“I know, my love.” He wiped the tear away before turning me to face him. I buried my head in his chest.
He didn’t tell me to be strong. He didn’t try to wedge hope in like a doorstop. He just breathed where I could feel it, slow
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Chapter 200
and steady, until my rilis remembered how
“I hate that this room feels like a dare,” I said into his shirt. “Like it’s laughing at me for marding
“It’s not a dare,” he murmured, mouth in my hair. “It’s a promise we haven’t kept yet”
Footsteps paused at the doorway. Hunter, quiet as always when he knew the air was thin, He leaned one shudder to the frame and didn’t say a word until I looked up and nodded. Then he came in, palm warm on the small of of us making a small weather system I could stand inside.
“I keep… going to those places,” I confessed, volce rough. “Handing over money like I’m buying a miracle. Sitting under those lights and letting strangers tell me I’m almost enough if I just sign one more waiver. I didn’t tell you became…” The words frayed. “Because watching you watch me not be a miracle is worse,”
Kaiden’s jaw flexed, but he kept his voice soft. “No more going alone. If there’s a room like that, we’ll stand in it with you or we’ll burn it down and find another one with windows.”
Hunter huffed the ghost of a laugh. “Preferably windows first, arson second.”
Kaiden cased us to sit; he dropped into the rocking chair and pulled me into his lap like there’d never been a time be hadn’t. The chair creaked, a tiny sound that felt like the house saying, finally. Hunter crouched in front of us and took my hands, thumbs drawing small circles along the tendons until my shoulders slid a fraction lower.
“I was jealous earlier,” Kaiden said, blunt and bruised. “Of Hunt. Of the way you lean into him when you’re tired. I don’t want to be the guy with plans when you need a person with hands.”
“You’re both here,” I said. “That’s… more than most people get.”
The chair rocked us a few inches forward, a few inches back, My gaze caught on the bag of curtains still stapled shut in the corner, the rug half–rolled.
“Can we try again?”
Kaiden’s eyebrow lifted with a smirk; his hands tightened where they sat on my hips. Hunter’s eyes sparked with mischief. “I will never say no to you.”
Kaiden’s mouth softened as his lips skimmed the skin below my ear. “Let’s put a baby in that belly.”
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