My mom has died, my mother is gone, and I’m all alone in life now, I don’t have anyone, I know I was starting to look at the wolves like they were my family, but my mom was my liaison to them, mom was the reason I started to even like wolves, mom was the reason I was okay with giving them a chance.
“Let’s go, I need to be there for her,” I say getting out of everyone’s arms, our stuff were all packed, we got right into the car, there was some talk about other people joining us, some people said they wanted to be there to pay respect to me, to show me they were there for me during my hard time, others were…fuck if I know, I didn’t care about
anyone.
The ride back was the longest ride of my life, I thought when we left our home and went to the compound it was a long ride, but it was nothing like this one, this one took three years, this one I spent the whole way crying, using tissues to blow my nose and then threw them on the floor next to my feet.
I then got some more tissues and kept on crying, he tried to talk to me, he was saying some kind of words that I didn’t understand, that didn’t register inside my brain, all the words were passing just above me, all I could see,
all I could imagine, was my mother going into surgery, a dangerous procedure and then she never made it out, she didn’t survive it, her poor heart gave up before she could come out and spend her last month of life with me!
But the thing that hurt the worse was that she pushed me away, she didn’t want me near her in her worse time, she didn’t want me to hold
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her hand before she went under, to wait in the corridor and ask the nurses for any news on her. Instead she pushed me away, she sent me away so she could only stay with her mate, with her wolf, she didn’t want her daughter involved in any of it, all she wanted was her wolf.
More tears started to fall this time I wasn’t just crying about my mother dying, and me becoming an orphan, I was also crying because I wasn’t there, I wasn’t needed, I wasn’t loved enough to be there for her, in her last moment.
Three years later, we made it into the compound, I started to look where my mother could be? Back home waiting for me to come in and start another fight with her wolf so she could get in the middle and tell us to stop? Or maybe she’s out shopping, something she likes but was never able to do, or maybe mom was just sitting at home enjoying a good book and a glass of whine, or hot tea, she could never make her mind up over what she liked or what she wanted, it depended on her mood that day.
“Where are we going?” I ask him, where was my mother, that’s what I meant, take me to where my mother is.
“The hospital, I’m sure you wanna see her first,” he says knowing too well that she’s the only person I wanna see, my mother
“My mom, my dead mother,” I say with tears going down my face, she’s gone.
After we entered the compound, I wasn’t really paying attention to where we’re going, only to the fact that we’re moving toward the hospital where my mom is waiting for us. He parked the car and then we had to walk in, the main door was closed as expected, all of the private clinic were closed by now, there’s no visiting hours this late in the night, we had to move to the emergency door.
“Where are you going?” the security asks us, checking why we’re here.
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“My mom,” I say and fall into another round of sobbing, unable to finish my sentence, how do I tell him I’m here to see my dead mother, she’s not even alive anymore, I’m not here to bring her flower and tell her get well soon:
::
“We’re here to see her mother, she passed away this evening,” Uncle Damian says for me, the guy gave me a sorry look and allowed us in.
We went toward the morgue, she didn’t even have a room for me to check in it on her, instead she was placed in a cold fridge waiting for us to visit her and then take her to her final rest place.
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